simplicity

sometimes i wish life is more simple. 

church is just freaking complicated with a lot of dumb stuff. i can't go to church without feeling a little pressure, a little anger, some frustration and some tiredness. And it's quite lonely. 

i can't believe how just a handful of wolves in sheep skin can cause so much damage. even half of the shepherds are making compromise and deals with the wolves. this is hell. it's lawlessness and very very discouraging. 

went to a Bible talk by a scholar and he reminded us that at church, we are basically a collection of scums. We are there because we know that we are scams and we need God. What we share in common is our sinfulness. 

it reminded me of the time in college when during small group, the guys all confessed their sins to one another. how i miss that now. 

i can't do that at church, there are too many enemies who would be too happy to stab you if you show weaknesses or wrong. 

is this church able to function like a church? i m not too sure. are we just a party club? 

it is really sad to see how the body of Christ is so not the body of Christ with so much selfishness and corruption, rumors, gossips and etc. it a pain to see. and it is so hard to stand. 

The most scary and frightening thing is seeing people changing with their attitudes changing. It's quite obvious. A older brother who used to be quite friendly becomes rather hostile. He tries to pretend to be nice but it's there, i know that his view of me has changed. He sets up a wall between us, is less courteous, less friendly, guarded and short-tempered around me. It's heart breaking because I know that it is because somebody influenced him. Somebody probably said something to him. It is painful because this brother is a good brother, a good man on fire for God. The only thing is that he is somewhat naive, innocent and can't distinguish the wolves from the sheep so got prey on and used by the wolves. It is sad. Serving in church really make you understand Superman really. Superman can't use evil tactics and quite helpless at some situation because his moral value limits what he can do, but it also makes him great. 

Yeah, so yup, guys like me just look on and sigh~ The thing with us is that we don't try to make people worship us. We get people to worship God. We don't spend much of our time making "personality cult" like Mao Zedong or Lin Bao. We don't have time for that and it is very wrong according to our dictionary because that is not what it is suppose to be. 

I visited a webpage of one of the so-called shepherd and he posted stuff like: "Oh, I am puking blood," "being overworked," "the challenge is so great yet there is still a mountain to be climbed" and such as to get sympathy and let people know how hard he is working and to win over people. Man, I was like, you are not the only one, stop being so boastful of your so-called suffering. He's colluding with the wolves for selfish intention. He's compromising his values. At times I even wonder why he came to be a pastor at all. If flame is what he wants, why don't he go and be an actor or singer or etc? Oh, he's not good-looking enough, but his acting is definitely Oscar worthy so he can be an actor. 

When he preaches, he doesn't preach the Word of God or to the people, he preach to please the wolves. Another one compromises his preaching with the wolves. He would walk around the main message without actually saying it. His sermon becomes a big puzzle and can be interpreted as you like it. That's "post-modern" preaching. Excellent. It's sad. Very sad. What are the use of preachers who can't preach? 

I don't know what they are afraid of really. They are in their 40s, quite young with a lot of future ahead, years ahead. Why are they making compromises so soon and so young. What are they afraid of? People? Losing their jobs? Satan? Or God? 

If God is who they fear, what is there to fear otherwise? 

ENTER

What is happening now is what I have been fearing for a very long time while at this church. 

I know that things are not too good, but I did not know that it would come to this level. It has become very hard for good people to stand here. Good Christians either become quiet, hide from the spotlight and important responsibility, make compromises, get influenced and used, or leave the church outright. 

I know that some people are thinking of leaving and my heart goes out to them. They are leaving because they can't compromise with evil. And the number of good, mature, solid grounded Christians at this church is diminishing. We need those people, those good people to help us, not leave us but I understand their situations. The living space is being diminished day by day. The wolves are cunning, use dirty tools that good people can't use and squeezing the living space out of the good. 

I don't think we can replenish strong, mature Christians fast enough to take up the places of those who left and are leaving. It takes a lot of heart, time, and strong and mature Christians to nurture just a few young Christians into strong soldiers of God. And we are now losing the trainers, the ones who can mentor the young.