Ill-behaving members lead to clergy burnout

Ill-behaving members lead to clergy burnout
___By Hillary Wicai
___Religion News Service
___ST. LOUIS (RNS)--Bad behavior from church members is the leading cause of clergy burnout, according to a team of researchers hired by the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod.
___Alan and Cheryl Klaas of Mission Growth Ministries were hired by the Lutheran Church to investigate the root causes of the clergy shortage it and many other mainline denominations currently face.
___"It was intended to be a traditional recruitment and retention study," Klaas said. For example, he thought he'd be recommending changes on issues like seminary communication with potential students.
___"We wondered if students got good services, if seminaries were recruiting the right people," he explained. But in the end, the Klaases concluded the problems are 20 percent institutional and 80 percent behavioral.
___"The fundamental finding is that people beating on each other is the main issue," Klaas said.
___The Klaases wrote a book about their findings. In "Quiet Conversations," a pastor and his wife struggle through ministry burnout. While the book is fiction, it is a collection of incidents that actually happened--incidents the Klaases believe illuminate why so many pastors burn out.
___The book talks of pastors' wives being chastised by members of the congregation for working outside the home. It includes stories of pastors and their families being alienated from their congregations because the pastors' wives asked to redecorate the parsonages.
___Hurt feelings lead to gossip, criticism, bad behavior from both congregations and pastors, and ultimately to burnout, Klaas said.
___"We heard about one situation where a pastor and his congregation were at such odds that he took a vacation and when he came home he discovered bullet holes in his house. So he sent his child more than 1,000 miles away to stay with relatives. But church members tracked the child down and harassed her over the phone," he said.
___Such behavior problems contribute to clergy burnout, he explained. "It affects pastor burnout because pastors get whipsawed trying to satisfy everyone while satisfying no one."
___The problem also affects clergy families, he said.
___Klaas estimates pastors' children made up about 40 percent of seminarians in the 1950s and '60s. It's a much different picture now at the two Missouri Synod seminaries. Last year, pastors' children were 5 percent of seminarians at one and 17 percent at the other.
___Klaas knows the problem crosses denominational lines. At a recent conference with officials from 25 denominations, 24 of the 25 representatives agreed the description of the problem applied to their denominations as well.
___"The denominations are very much aware of it, but it's being approached differently in each one," said Adair Lummis, faculty associate for research at the Hartford Institute for Religion Research at Hartford Seminary. The Hartford Institute surveyed more than 4,300 clergy in 1994 and found 32 percent of women and 28 percent of men had thought seriously about leaving church ministry in the last year. 

How do you let go of anger, hurt and bitterness?

,How do you let go of anger, hurt and bitterness?

Quite recently, I got to meet up with an old friend who was also a PK. I haven't seen him for at least 5 years. We grew up together in the youth group. When I left he was this goodie goodie, his father taught him to get up really early in the morning (I think at 5am) to read the Bible and pray (devotion). He was really proud of the fact. On the other hand, I was like the naughty boy, well, I wasn't evil, I was just playful.

But yea, he had seen a lot of nasty stuff and church and just don't like going to church anymore. He had been going to many different churches (like me), and just haven't been going lately. It sucks man. He is a good guy. He is a nice person. He was always a bit different, but everybody is. He doesn't like how church people judge others. Basically, he finds Christians to be hypocrites. I agree. I can relate to him as a pastor's kid. I realized that there was this bond, we have this understanding and connection. We didn't go into the details but we know what the other was talking about. He was mistreated and bullied. Ha, my whole family get mistreated. There's a little comfort in common experience and hurt.

I told him that if he needed anyone to "unload" on, he can always find me. I can take a lot of crap. I endured a lot of crap. For me, I don't talk about my pain and hurt in church in fear of discouraging people because the stuff that I go through are really nasty. But also because of that, other stuff just doesn't sound as bad and I developed this high tolerant for nasty stuff at church.

I think I was just forced to grow up, church-wise, way to quickly. I am basically just a freaking old church person who seen stuff that teenager and young man are not suppose to see in church. But no, I get to see all these crap and it makes me old. I see stuff that usually only elders and pastors see, stuff that people twice my age deal with. But I have to deal with them. They affect me tremendously. It's not natural, and I feel like I lost my youth. It is not suppose to be like that.

And it brings a lot of jealousy, bitterness and anger because I don't get to enjoy church and fellowship. I get jealous of others, even though I love them. I envy their fellowship together, I can never be like them. In ways I am more mature than some of the deacons, well, a lot of them, well at least half of them. But it's more their immaturity than anything. At least half of them are just weak on Biblical knowledge. The Bible tells us a lot about how to act and what to do, but they just don't know.

So every now and then I would think about the pain, the hurt and this loneliness. A friend once told me that I need to find someone to talk about this to, but who? I have pastor friend but not really anybody at my age. And it's more about how I lost something and how it is so unfair. 

My friend he left church and he shared that he did something he regret. He came back to tell a young girl that he regretted it and that you can never go wrong with God so always stick with God. That was a pivotal moment I think. He still believes in Jesus, he just for a time did not believe in Christians. And you know what? Why should we? But God also commanded us to love the church and make sacrifice for it. 

So how you overcome pain, hurt, anger, bitterness and etc? I don't know. But I just have to put my trust in God that the wounds would heal. And maybe he will my hurts for good. 

2 Faced man

"God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference. Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."


I hope the person can walk the talk instead of talking one thing and doing the opposite. I don't know how he can face himself or God. Does he even believe in God or is he just using God for his own purpose? How can he face himself? How can he lie to himself? How can one who manipulates to get what he wants face himself went quoting something as upright as above? I just don't understand it. Either he's blind, don't know what the heck he is doing, is very arrogant, or ignorant or just plain stupid, actually even stupid people can tell right from wrong, so he must be delusional with some kind of mega ego mental illness. Who are you working for? The devil or God? He needs to submit to God instead of the other way around.