People Just Don't Know

AGM will be held at TC this Sunday.

I knew but now I understand that I can't really blame much of the church goers, they just don't know about a lot of stuff. They are ignorant of a lot of things. I can't blame them. The wolves do a great job in hiding under sheep clothing so, I can't be let down by them or blame to harshly of them even though they should be firmer and have better Biblical knowledge.

I think somebody probably decided to let me go on the TC small group email list. I don't receive them anymore. I find it a bit strange. Someone made a conscious effort to take me out of the e-mail list, yet I am trying to not think too much about it. I hope it's not under order of the new mentor. I hope it's the small group leaders who decided it, not someone else's wish.

Feeling wise, I think that's kind of cruel. At least let me know beforehand, like do you still wanna receive email from us?

But about heartless, some people are quite heartless at church. Some people are spreading rumors and negative stuff about people. And I know at least one of them is a pastor. Sad isn't it? It's pathetic. What do you do with that kind of person? God knows. I hope God breaks him down and humble him.

As young people, we are idealistic. We have more hot-headed, we are a bit naive, a bit immature even though young people now are on general much more educated than the previous generation, but degrees and head knowledge cannot take the place of spiritual maturity which I think is a slow progress and not something we can earn merely with books; it's experience with God, living out God's Words. We might be well advanced by the measures of this world, but it's the heavenly realm which we aim to grow in and advance in. We are also easily manipulated. That's why our relationship with God is paramount. As young people we are easily influenced by others and that's natural. But at the same time, these qualities make us easy preys to wrong doctrine, worldly ideas and false teachers. So, a good understanding of the Words and God's view (instead of world view) is of utmost importance. We need to think, "What God wants us to think and do? What does God want me to be?" And that bond with God has to be unshakable despite of what happen around us, the world around us, our friends, our family, our closest brothers and sisters. The world might change, your friends might turn their backs on you, your family might disown you, but God will never change. He is our foundation.

Trust is something that take ages to build up, yet it can be so easily crushed. It takes so much time in fellowship to have trust but it's so easily destroyed by mere gossip and minor misunderstanding, pride and other things. That's why the Bible say, "Treat others better than yourself." To have good faith in others, to give people the benefit of the doubt, to not think bad of someone else unless it's really obvious that someone is hurting others on purpose. Always to check yourself first before accusing others. Always to give time to cool down and reflect before acting. I regret a few times when my emotion got the better of me. God gives us emotions but we need to develop and control it. God gives us the capability to feel, yet we have to use emotions wisely. We have qualities of God, we should hate injustice, it is something universal amongst humans. There are many prime examples of people, non-Xians, who stood up against injustice. We are from God, all of us, Xians and non-Xians.

I Corinthians 1:20: Where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the lawyer of this world? Hasn’t God made foolish the wisdom of this world?

智慧人在哪裡？經學家在哪裡？今世的辯士在哪裡？　神不是使屬世的智慧變成了愚笨嗎？

I Corinthians 2:9: 正如經上所記：“　神為愛他的人所預備的，是眼睛未曾見過，耳朵未曾聽過，人心也未曾想到的。”

I Corinthians 2:10: 但　神卻藉著聖靈把這些向我們顯明了，因為聖靈測透萬事，連　神深奧的事也測透了。

I Corinthians 2:11: 除了在人裡面的靈，誰能知道人的事呢？同樣，除了　神的靈，也沒有人知道　神的事。

I Corinthians 2:12: 我們所領受的，不是這世界的靈，而是從　神來的靈，使我們能知道　神開恩賜給我們的事。

I Corinthians 2:13: 我們也講這些事，不是用人的智慧所教的言語，而是用聖靈所教的言語，向屬靈的人解釋屬靈的事（“向屬靈的人解釋屬靈的事”或譯：“用屬靈的話解釋屬靈的事”）。

I Corinthians 2:14: 然而屬血氣的人不接受　神的靈的事，因為他以為是愚笨的；而且他也不能夠明白，因為這些事，要有屬靈的眼光才能領悟。

I Corinthians 2:15: 屬靈的人能看透萬事，卻沒有人能看透他，

I Corinthians 2:16: 如經上所記：“誰曾知道主的心意，能夠指教他呢？”但我們已經得著基督的心意了。

But as it is written,

“Things which an eye didn’t see, and an ear didn’t hear,

which didn’t enter into the heart of man,

these God has prepared for those who love him.”

I Corinthians 2:10: But to us, God revealed them through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God.

I Corinthians 2:11: For who among men knows the things of a man, except the spirit of the man, which is in him? Even so, no one knows the things of God, except God’s Spirit.

I Corinthians 2:12: But we received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit which is from God, that we might know the things that were freely given to us by God.

I Corinthians 2:13: Which things also we speak, not in words which man’s wisdom teaches, but which the Holy Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual things.

I Corinthians 2:14: Now the natural man doesn’t receive the things of God’s Spirit, for they are foolishness to him, and he can’t know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

I Corinthians 2:15: But he who is spiritual discerns all things, and he himself is judged by no one.

I Corinthians 2:16: “For who has known the mind of the Lord, that he should instruct him?” But we have Christ’s mind.

This is off topic but it's just so good.

Anyway, a lot of times, I find myself putting up a brave face doing all I can but at the same time I am getting burn by some silly people behind me who are suppose to help me. Through the years, I realized that it's God who we put ALL our trust in, NOT people. That relationship with God is paramount, NOT relationship with people. Why? Because people changes, people can be corrupted, people have diseases and people include all of us. People can lead us astray. We need fellowship but sometimes, all you got is GOD. Your friends might leave you, your family might not support you and all you have is GOD.

Sometimes I wonder why I fight at all. Why put up a fight when people don't even know how to enjoy it. Why work for it when people always find excellent excuses to destroy it? Why bring people to church when the so-called "Christians" are killing one another inside? Am I bringing people to the slaughter house?

I try not to think about that. Just trust God. Just be useful, be of help. I do what I can and let God do the rest.

How can we show God's love when we can't even love each other? Loving is not easy. But we need to make an effort and learn. I actually wonder why God loves us, we are really bad. Just watch the news, local or international and you know what humans are like. We are a mess. Like 鮑維均 said, we are scams or scambags. He actually quoted it from another person, yea, but anyway, we are all scambags so should we be more inclusive and embracing and more forgiving? We shouldn't pick and choose who to care, who to love. In the world that we live in, we are not equal but we are equal under God. What gives us the right for scambags to bad mouth another scambags? Does God give you this right? How we get so arrogant? Maybe it makes us feel better, maybe it is to protect ourselves, maybe it is for advancement, maybe because we are insecure, maybe we are just evil, maybe we are just the devil's advocates, well, we are scambags afterwall.

God forgave us. God is like the rich man who wrote all the huge debt his servant owed him. But many of us are acting like that cruel servant who then went to another person who owed him just a little sum of money.

Reality

I think the thing with being a pastor's kid is that your life actually get quite complicated.

i love the church but it is very hard for me to be apart of it. just because i m the pastor's son, there is a wall there. i love the church but there is always an invisible barrier. i m not treated like the others, i m the others according to them. and a lot of it has to do with gossips and slanders against my dad.

what can you do? it hurts. and worst when my family and i are affected also.

Internal Affair

I just finished watching the Hong Kong movie, Internal Affair III. Kelly Chen totally wreaked it.

Anyway, Internal Affair actually reminds me of church. There are these few people like moles from the triads that penetrate the police force, except that they are doing it at church for personal gains and other selfish reasons.

But the church at times are in an ever worst state because there might be a lack of awareness like TC.

The previous post is from a Lo Sir, pastor from TC and I think he just went over the line. He doesn't respect me all that much, nor my sister or my family for strange reasons. He treats other members of church really well but I get crap from him and I help him with stuff but I just don't get a thank you.

I actually liked the guy when I first met him. He was idealistic, now he's like this frightened little chicken, listen to gossips and he affected his behaviour and how he preaches. He's very indirect when he preaches so as not to offend some important people at church. One powerful deacon talked to him after one sermon and gradually he became less and less pronounced. He can give powerful and emotional messages but it would lack message from the Bible.

pastor going overboard on facebook

20091024-25的一個周末所做的三件痛快的事, 讓我感到愛與痛的邊緣

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Tuesday, October 27, 2009 at 6:36pm

星期六晚, 刻意動用了自己的假期, 出席一個講座 -- "子女是誰". 陳延三原來是如此有火的, 我喜愛呢. 他講的不帶一絲的理論, 講的是"內功", 是價值觀. 對很多人而言可能是不實際 (沒有講技術) 和過激 (勁插我們的文化) 的表達, 但就正正是我杯茶. 單單一句 "子女是父母的骨肉, 照顧子女就是照顧自己, 這怎可能是責任" 就使我活在愛與痛的邊緣, 百般滋味. 一路上與太太有傾有講, 知道大家都有反思, 但 "To be or not to be, this is the question".

星期日, 一篇為母會和平堂而預備的心血講章, 憑着神而來的勇氣, 宣講了. 耶利米的不離不棄, 不在困難中讓步妥協, 亦不就此隻身而逃. 百姓走錯了路, 就陪你們走同一條路, 好讓你們在更困難的日子中, 仍然有先知宣講神的信息. 這就是先知的生命, 沒有這生命, 宣講就毫無意義了. 很激動的呢, 每次回到和平堂宣講, 都是激盪得把心都震出來似的. 又是愛與痛的邊緣嗎? 那裡有這麼多愛? 為何愛與痛會這那的相似?

星期日下午, 多倫多好友, 其實是小學, 中學, 大學, 都曾經同校的一位好友為我們一家預備了節目. 為我們預備了房車, 郊外的遊玩點, 還已主人家的方式款待我們. 其實有此機會與小朋友到郊外已經是神的恩賜, 更有機會與好朋友一家相聚, 做了什麼, 講了什麼, 都不相干了. 她丈夫問了我一個問題 "做傳人退休後有什麼打算? 其實無什麼保障" 口行行地回覆了, 今天心中仍有漣漪. 對, 我間中都會想到退休的問題, 即 "無野做" 的年月會怎好, 確實頗煩的. 但這問題是由一位弟兄問出, 我感到的是關心, 不只是對我的關心, 是對整個傳道人 "行業" 的關心. 因為就他的認識與觀察, 發現了這問題成了他的小疑問, 剛巧又遇上我, 才發問. 原來問題無處不在, 關心都同樣可以, 視乎我站在那一邊看.

Updated last Monday · Comment · Like / Unlike · Report Note

Judy So

i like part 1

October 27 at 11:35pm

Thomas Mak

唔好意思，其實除咗d上了車政府官同有錢人外，有邊行有保障，可以退休唔駛憂呢? 問題就唔只係傳道人呢行! 我想講在這方面有好多「同路人」呢! 憂得幾多? 對主嚟講，好少事啫，佢實攪得掂! 對我地嚟講，唔容易但要信多d，又想下辦法點退休好。

October 28 at 4:23am

Vincent Lo

Thomas, 初初唔明點解你會講 "唔好意思", 想想下, 又怕想得多了. 不知道我寫了什麼觸動到一些你想到但我想不到的, 讀了幾次都想不懂. 同樣地, 我想不懂的, 又可能不是你最想表達的. 真搞野.
我以為自己不是把痛快 (就是愛與痛) 表達得很痛快嗎? 點解變成 "憂"呢? 真是要再苦練苦練下, 要再掌握得好一點.
難怪某某人講: "寫好了的文章, 作者就是死了, 讀者才是活的". 這就是寫作的既神秘又好玩之處.

October 28 at 4:59am

Vincent Lo

當我抽離, 把自己當做讀者, 一位認識盧永傳的讀者. 我發現盧永傳的痛快有一個共通點. 應該講, 不是有一個共通點, 而是共同地沒有了一樣東西. 這東西就在我上一個周末消失了似的.

October 28 at 5:04am

Thomas Mak

"唔好意思"係因為我嘅回應係離題, 跟你的分享"愛與痛"搭唔上. 我覺得似回應你好友對你發的問題.

October 28 at 3:18pm

Thomas Mak

最未兩句都係跟你互相鼓勵一下!

October 28 at 3:21pm

Vincent Lo

按 我的表達, 他們都是上了岸似的. 由上了岸的人說出這說, 對我來講都幾感動, 在我心中他們真的很nice的. 可是, 他們認為還未足夠, 我估因為有兩個小朋友. 真的, 在香港生活, 好難有受保障的感覺, 真真假假, 對大眾很大的困擾. 香港人真係很需要相互的關心與關懷, 不能靠冷冰冰的政府政策.

October 28 at 3:47pm

Calvin Chu

it seems like in Hong Kong life is just about 退休. You work hard in school to get good grades to go to a good university to get a good job to 提早退休. Iife is just not balanced. something is wrong when all that people think is about 退休.

anyway, be assured, God provides. 事奉 never ends. God doesn't forsake His faithful servant.

October 28 at 10:03pm · Delete

Vincent Lo

Calvin, I strongly disagree with your point about "retirement waste the hard study in school" , since study is for the build up a mature life, but not only for the work. Moreover, my own view of retirement is a choice for a better life in terms of contribution, so the study will not be wasted. The question is when the people do not have the basic ... Read Moreprotection, that means they dont have a choice to keep them contribute freely, since they still have to work work work just for money as a 老油條. Have you ever meet someone working with no passion? I have. meaningless. I dont think that kind of people are balancing their life, they wont be happy, and wont let others happy. what a waste. Please, dont misinterpret me is not respect others. I just want to prove that people keep working with no passion doesnt means there is an balance of a life (whichs you have mentioned), since they are working for the money in order to have the protection in the future or for their children's future. In this case, keep working for the protection is an act of dont trust in God.
Finally, I dont want to talk about the retirement anymore, since my article is talking about my passion with my family, my mother church and my buddy. Please, try to read between the lines.

October 29 at 6:28am

Calvin Chu

Oh Lo Sir, I didn't mean"retirement waste the hard study in school". I think you misinterpreted me haha. I meant retiring shouldn't be the purpose of learning and a career. I was talking about how life and learning shouldn't be about retiring. Just to clear that up.

And you are right about no 保障. It's sad, those old people who pick cans and 紙皮. ... Read MoreIt's not right in a society as rich and small as HK. I noticed in Chinese society, there is this narrow view of education where education is about passing the exams, and getting high score, certificates and not really about learning. That's why there's so many cases of cheating from Chinese students in universities.

Thanks for the explanation. I think you touched on many interesting topics and issues in your writing but it is very difficult to discuss on fb, words just get lost in translation. Talk to you when i see you~ Emmanuel

October 29 at 12:59pm · Delete

Vincent Lo

well, Calvin. This is what exact you type "You work hard in school to get good grades to go to a good university to get a good job to 提早退休. Iife is just not balanced. something is wrong when all that people think is about 退休."
"misinterpret" ?, how can we interpret it in better way?
On the above, I just want to ask "why not ?", why it is not balance? If it is really not balance in your mind, it is waste. Of course, you can say you did not use the word "waste", but this is not misinterpret I think. About the irrational througt of "not balance", I think I did elaborate my points on above. That's why I disagree with you firstly.

Secondly, It is all depends how do you define retirement. In fact, no one try to or want to define it in my article and the responses, so I do think no one can comment others' point of veiw of retiremet here. That's why I disagree with what you said "something is wrong when all that people think is about 退休." what do you mean "all that people" ? who are they? How can you prove it shold be right or wrong? Actually, this is call "Argument from silence", hope you know that team. You know, you are not asking a question, but a statment. How can we interpret it in a better way? ... Read More

You said "words just get lost in translation". I believe writing is a art of communication, so I love to write very carefully. If writing is not a good way to communicate, how do we know talk face to face is more better way? What is the problem? I am asking a question with no answer.

October 30 at 5:48am

Calvin Chu

Hey Lo Sir, haha, my point exactly. This is crazy, we are confused about what the other is talking about. Maybe it's just me. Let me clear one thing up though, not balanced doesn't mean waste, that's putting meaning about something i didn't write. That's your interpretation of what I wrote, not what I meant. and actually, i m not exactly sure about what you mean by "retirement waste the hard study in school".

it is based on my notion that people in HK think about "退休" a lot, probably because they work very hard and lack 保障 as you mentioned. Base on my observation, I do find HK people, generally speaking, to be working very hard and lack security, especially when comparing with their overseas counterparts. And they do talk about 退休 more than Americans or Australians.

I don't think it's healthy/balanced when people thinking and worrying about 退休 so much. I do find people in Hong Kong working too hard and getting too stressed over it, which is basically an unbalanced lifestyle. So I was saying the general lifestyle for the general population of HK is unbalanced. ... Read More

I was writing in metaphor, so please don't take my words literally. I am also using casual American English so I realize that you are misreading what I wrote.

i think talking face to face is better communication because we don't only use words to communication, we also use tone, volume, hand gesture, body language, facial expression to communicate. Words is just a small part of it, and words can easily be misinterpreted depend on where you are from. And it doesn't help with our different language and cultural background.

Do you see this confusion, this is so typical facebook confusion. I am sure we experienced this before. Words get misinterpreted and it's very common.

so better talk to you when i see you. it would be so much easier. this is cool. it's a good discussion but i think the points are missing the points haha.

October 30 at 12:52pm · Delete

Vincent Lo

Hey Calvin, I can see that I didnt misinterpret your word, let me explain to you.
Of course, you are useing a metaphor, thats why the reader should use the imagination to interpret the writer's meaning. I sure that, once the writer use metaphor, he / she has a purpose to resrve the rooms for the imagination. Do you agree with that? If you agree, the "not balance" is a sence of "negative" right? So, as a reader, I can use the negative word "waste" to fill in. Of course, different reader can use different word to fill in a metarphor, this is call "Reader responses" ( I think you should know this term). The question is, what is the subject? In the context of your first respons, I got the subject is "the people whose life is work hard in school to get good grades to go to a good university to get a good job to 提早退休 " . However, I dont think it is essentially wrong, thats why I did elaborate my disagreement on above.

The key argument , which is I call it an "Argument from silence", is how do the people plan to contribute to the society? it is not depends on working or retirment. However, we cant make a easy conclusion here.
... Read More
I want to share some more about communication. I think communication is a progress, is a movement of developing. Once two or more guys just talk to defend the self but not base on the movement, it is not a communication. Therefore, the means of communication is not the most important element, write or talk face to face are not prefect, since the limitations of human. If you talk to someone face to face who always said that in chinese " 我有講, 但不是這意思" or "我無講, 但我有這一個意思" always like that, Kill me man, face to face is so cruel. I just tell you my experience but not our conversation on above, ok?

If you still have the interest to understand the dynamics of our conversation, and if you dont mind to waste you time, just read the above again and find out want is our connection and disconnection. As a writer, I am very interesting to the reader responses, I will think how come the reader got this got that which's I am not expected, what did I write? sometimes got lost, sometimes so funny.

October 30 at 5:06pm

Calvin Chu

i think it's because I don't understand "retirement waste the hard study in school", but after realizing that you were translating Chinese into English, I think I understand it better somewhat. I think you meant, "retiring is a waste of a person's education." right? if so, that's not what i meant.

my point was that 退休 should not be the purpose and meaning of studying, working hard and life.

yes, this is really amusing...

October 30 at 6:32pm · Delete

Vincent Lo

I am not translate form chinese, but may be my english is too chinese style.

This is from yahoo's dictionary:
使荒蕪;使荒廢
The drought wasted the land 旱災使田地荒蕪。... Read More
waste is a verb here.
may be I should use "wasted".

my word in chinese is "退休使苦學得來的白費了", this is what i got from your first respons.

dont worry, I just try to understand what you write but not who you are. Surely, you can have your own point of view which's not as same as me. I enjoy writing and also accept the limiation of it. Everything has limiation la.

October 30 at 10:13pm

Calvin Chu

haha that clears things up, that is totally not my point. you misunderstood me. no, i just want to make sure that i didn't get misunderstood, which was what happened.

Sat at 10:37am · Delete

Vincent Lo

Hey, you cant just said someone misunderstand you, than just said what you want to said. You should prove it. I did show my logic, but you didnt, just said "misunderstood". This is not communication. Please, read what I have wrote and try to respones point by point, if you have sincere intention. e.g. you said metaphor, than I showed you what is metaphor; you said my english is not english, I showed you my english is english. But, how about you? Have you see the problem? Not just HaHaHaaaa, than said "misunderstood".

Thats why I dont think we talk face to face is better.

Do you really see what I mean?... Read More
Have you talk to others like that usually?

I tell you, I am not angry, but disappointed, since I did you my heart and time to show my concern to your responses.

Sat at 1:41pm

Vincent Lo

Calvin,
ok, I think we need a easy way to let go.
1. You said that I misunderstood your point of view, I accepted it now, since I respect you but not logically.
2. Also, I hope you can accept my conclusion too, which is you have not try hard to understand my points of view to your explanations and not communicate base on the movement of the argument.
... Read More
According to the disconnected reasoning, this two points are the fact. We have two different idea without ethical right or wrong.

That's it on this topic.

Sat at 3:21pm

Jessica Man

Vincent, I understand your feeling in part 2. The more you love/care, the easier/deeper you get hurt, right?
For the retirement protection about pastors, it echoed a bit with Rev. Chu's sharing ytd.

Yesterday at 12:17pm

Vincent Lo

Jessica, finally I have time to response now. Michelle and Justin will have test tmr, so busy today.
About the Rev. Chu's sharing which is you have mentioned. I believe it shoud be a coincidence. I dont and cant believe a pastor is using the public preaching time on Sunday Service to echo a personal discussion. Therefore, it shuold be coincidence.

4 minutes ago

I feel betrayed by the church. I get envy and jealous that I never get what others seem to get from church that people take for granted. But for me, it seems that I have to fight for every inch, fight for every breathing space. The heart is just weary and I just want to be embraced. I want to go up to people and give them a piece of my mind, to correct them, to lecture them and rebuke them.

Half the time I felt like I was being framed for crimes I never committed, judged on things I never did, labeled for things I did not do.

How can I bring people to church when it is so shit.

Ill-behaving members lead to clergy burnout

Ill-behaving members lead to clergy burnout
___By Hillary Wicai
___Religion News Service
___ST. LOUIS (RNS)--Bad behavior from church members is the leading cause of clergy burnout, according to a team of researchers hired by the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod.
___Alan and Cheryl Klaas of Mission Growth Ministries were hired by the Lutheran Church to investigate the root causes of the clergy shortage it and many other mainline denominations currently face.
___"It was intended to be a traditional recruitment and retention study," Klaas said. For example, he thought he'd be recommending changes on issues like seminary communication with potential students.
___"We wondered if students got good services, if seminaries were recruiting the right people," he explained. But in the end, the Klaases concluded the problems are 20 percent institutional and 80 percent behavioral.
___"The fundamental finding is that people beating on each other is the main issue," Klaas said.
___The Klaases wrote a book about their findings. In "Quiet Conversations," a pastor and his wife struggle through ministry burnout. While the book is fiction, it is a collection of incidents that actually happened--incidents the Klaases believe illuminate why so many pastors burn out.
___The book talks of pastors' wives being chastised by members of the congregation for working outside the home. It includes stories of pastors and their families being alienated from their congregations because the pastors' wives asked to redecorate the parsonages.
___Hurt feelings lead to gossip, criticism, bad behavior from both congregations and pastors, and ultimately to burnout, Klaas said.
___"We heard about one situation where a pastor and his congregation were at such odds that he took a vacation and when he came home he discovered bullet holes in his house. So he sent his child more than 1,000 miles away to stay with relatives. But church members tracked the child down and harassed her over the phone," he said.
___Such behavior problems contribute to clergy burnout, he explained. "It affects pastor burnout because pastors get whipsawed trying to satisfy everyone while satisfying no one."
___The problem also affects clergy families, he said.
___Klaas estimates pastors' children made up about 40 percent of seminarians in the 1950s and '60s. It's a much different picture now at the two Missouri Synod seminaries. Last year, pastors' children were 5 percent of seminarians at one and 17 percent at the other.
___Klaas knows the problem crosses denominational lines. At a recent conference with officials from 25 denominations, 24 of the 25 representatives agreed the description of the problem applied to their denominations as well.
___"The denominations are very much aware of it, but it's being approached differently in each one," said Adair Lummis, faculty associate for research at the Hartford Institute for Religion Research at Hartford Seminary. The Hartford Institute surveyed more than 4,300 clergy in 1994 and found 32 percent of women and 28 percent of men had thought seriously about leaving church ministry in the last year. 

How do you let go of anger, hurt and bitterness?

,How do you let go of anger, hurt and bitterness?

Quite recently, I got to meet up with an old friend who was also a PK. I haven't seen him for at least 5 years. We grew up together in the youth group. When I left he was this goodie goodie, his father taught him to get up really early in the morning (I think at 5am) to read the Bible and pray (devotion). He was really proud of the fact. On the other hand, I was like the naughty boy, well, I wasn't evil, I was just playful.

But yea, he had seen a lot of nasty stuff and church and just don't like going to church anymore. He had been going to many different churches (like me), and just haven't been going lately. It sucks man. He is a good guy. He is a nice person. He was always a bit different, but everybody is. He doesn't like how church people judge others. Basically, he finds Christians to be hypocrites. I agree. I can relate to him as a pastor's kid. I realized that there was this bond, we have this understanding and connection. We didn't go into the details but we know what the other was talking about. He was mistreated and bullied. Ha, my whole family get mistreated. There's a little comfort in common experience and hurt.

I told him that if he needed anyone to "unload" on, he can always find me. I can take a lot of crap. I endured a lot of crap. For me, I don't talk about my pain and hurt in church in fear of discouraging people because the stuff that I go through are really nasty. But also because of that, other stuff just doesn't sound as bad and I developed this high tolerant for nasty stuff at church.

I think I was just forced to grow up, church-wise, way to quickly. I am basically just a freaking old church person who seen stuff that teenager and young man are not suppose to see in church. But no, I get to see all these crap and it makes me old. I see stuff that usually only elders and pastors see, stuff that people twice my age deal with. But I have to deal with them. They affect me tremendously. It's not natural, and I feel like I lost my youth. It is not suppose to be like that.

And it brings a lot of jealousy, bitterness and anger because I don't get to enjoy church and fellowship. I get jealous of others, even though I love them. I envy their fellowship together, I can never be like them. In ways I am more mature than some of the deacons, well, a lot of them, well at least half of them. But it's more their immaturity than anything. At least half of them are just weak on Biblical knowledge. The Bible tells us a lot about how to act and what to do, but they just don't know.

So every now and then I would think about the pain, the hurt and this loneliness. A friend once told me that I need to find someone to talk about this to, but who? I have pastor friend but not really anybody at my age. And it's more about how I lost something and how it is so unfair. 

My friend he left church and he shared that he did something he regret. He came back to tell a young girl that he regretted it and that you can never go wrong with God so always stick with God. That was a pivotal moment I think. He still believes in Jesus, he just for a time did not believe in Christians. And you know what? Why should we? But God also commanded us to love the church and make sacrifice for it. 

So how you overcome pain, hurt, anger, bitterness and etc? I don't know. But I just have to put my trust in God that the wounds would heal. And maybe he will my hurts for good. 

2 Faced man

"God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference. Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."


I hope the person can walk the talk instead of talking one thing and doing the opposite. I don't know how he can face himself or God. Does he even believe in God or is he just using God for his own purpose? How can he face himself? How can he lie to himself? How can one who manipulates to get what he wants face himself went quoting something as upright as above? I just don't understand it. Either he's blind, don't know what the heck he is doing, is very arrogant, or ignorant or just plain stupid, actually even stupid people can tell right from wrong, so he must be delusional with some kind of mega ego mental illness. Who are you working for? The devil or God? He needs to submit to God instead of the other way around.

...going

Being the pastor's kid at the church that I have been going to for 3 years been somewhat rough. I appreciate all the people who were nice, took care of me and have became my brothers and sisters but at the same time, I can not deny that there is a barrier between us. 

I can be in every ministry yet I still wouldn't be "in". Of course, the point of serving is not to be "in" but the thing (my point) is that there is just this barrier. I will never be them. People wear their colored eye glasses when viewing who I am, and thus I get a lot of bullshit from people. I wish that they can understand the spot they are putting me in. I wish that they could just simply see me as another brother, a young man who has a heart for God and nothing more. I am just like them, but I am not because I am not treated that way. 

I wish more a more normal church life. More normal fellowship. I question myself sometimes for being so into it, into serving and caring and etc...on things that are not mine. 

I will miss the people and I am not sure if they would miss me as much. 

I guess being a pastor's kid you do have to make some sacrifice but in some way, I am not sure if it is fair. Well, it's not, but then what is? I actually learned a lot from my dad the past few years in Hong Kong. I used to complain about him not doing everything possible with making things better at church, but after 3 years, I realize how incredibly DIFFICULT it is to simply oversee the church. There are a lot of problems at church and I actually don't know how he can handle it. I probably would just go crazy and quit or something. And it take a toll on him. I can totally see it. I think everybody can see that.  

The other thing is appreciation. I think we, the pastor's family is just not appreciated. To me, it's cruel how my dad is being being blamed for things that are out of his control as he makes sacrifice for the church's well-being. Very few people know that he actually shield a lot of issues and arrows from people for harmony's sake. Some people are starting fires all over the place with their tameless tongues and as the head pastor, he does the best he can as a very limited band-aid. There is a lot of immaturity that the head pastor has to deal with. People just don't understand that he has to deal with all these complicated people problems (caused by the people) and EFC stuff on top of leading the church (if it listens). 

The immaturity is somewhat sickening. It's like watching kids really. Pao is right about scums, we are scums. We do have good people but immaturity is a big problem because there is a age gap, we lack middle-age people, mature people with tested experience in faith and life. That's a problem. That's a huge problem so the less mature and the immature are in leadership role and it is just not working and there need to be a lot of patient, training (if they are humble enough) and learning. It's a little bit of babysitting and the worst thing I am seeing is that these young people, even with a heart of gold, are easily manipulated by others. That's the biggest weakness of young people. 

It would be better if they have better groundwork, but the foundation doesn't come instantly, it takes years of preparation.  There is no shortcut. 

I am getting really weary of ... church shit. Sorry for the term, but that's why it really is.

Can people just shut up? Stop gossiping and stop being troublemakers. The church can be much better if people just don't do stupid stuff. Stop gossiping. Stop spreading rumors. Stop influencing others for selfish reasons and start relying on God instead of yourself. Stop using stupid maneuvers to control others. Stop hosting pre-meeting, or other pre-pre meeting and post-meeting that don't involve everybody who are suppose to be on the actual official meeting, it just a waste of time...and yes, another maneuver to control outcome. What's with the insecurity.

Just relax and rely on God. Okay, maybe that is not their intentions, that's when the real troubles come.

People just need to grow up and be mature. Just do the right thing. How hard can that be? Those handfull of troublemakers, can you just stop?

Just stay quiet. Just do nothing. Stop starting fires here and there. If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all. Didn't your mom teach you that?

I wonder if they have any principles? Stay grounded. Just don't do things with ill intentions.

strength in weakness

I just came up with the title...and the post probably isn't about that.

Life has been hard recently. I find myself short of temper and get mad easily. Not very Calvin-like. I used to pride myself on not showing emotion and staying in control, but I guess my heart is weary.

I know that my family and I are not in the worst spot. We have a lot to be thankful for but that doesn't make things easier. It is still hard. The devil is working hard at his craft.

But you know what? There are angels. There are encouragement. There are good things to fight for. Good things to sacrifice for. I must thank God and many other people for giving me opportunity to be useful and of service. Nothing beat that, to be useful in a positive ways.

God does listen to prayers. You might not realize it but He does answer prayers. I didn't know until now. And you can see how He kind of put you into places, even uncomfortable places, and you get to see the puzzle somewhat getting together. I really have a lot to be thankful for.

I am slowly understanding God's way. And that He has His timing.

A lot of times I don't know why certain things happen, and it seemed as if things were going for the worst but it's all part of His plan. Maybe it is an iceberg but the iceberg will teach us, make us fall and fail, but for the long-term benefits.

I don't know where things are going now. There seems to be a big shake up. It is a new group. Things can go either way, and it's out of our control and we just hope for the best, holding on to God's hand for every step and praying hard for those in leadership roles, trusting that all is in His good hands.

There was a time...

There was a time when I get very emotional and affected by all the discouraging things at church, but now I am like...kind of putting it at the back of my head, not letting myself get all stressed up and worried.

I was reminded by a young believer that God is in control. He really is, no matter what happen.

I still get upset by people. Some people are just very fake, phony and lie in broad daylight. But what can I do. There are things human can do, but I don't think I am wise enough to handle situations nicely. A lot of things can go wrong. Just pray for the best and that people won't be hurt. Pray for people to change for the better, to realize what is it that is really important, not themselves and their selfish goals.

I try to not let it bother me. Some people might think that I am an idiot, or innocent. Cause it doesn't make sense right? Why throw your heart out when (some) people are stepping on it? Why serve at a place where it is hurting you and your love ones? Am I doing for myself? No. Am I doing it for man? Partially. Am I doing it for God? Yes. God brings selfish man to do more unselfish things.

Does it hurt me that people are turning their backs on me?

Yes, it does.

Does it make me turn away from God?

No way. It just shows me how much people need God and how weak and wicked people can be without God living in their lives.

1:21

to live is to Christ, to die is to gain

我在1972年入讀建道神學院，從那時開始接觸滕近輝牧師，至今快三十年了！

　　 滕牧師的記憶力驚人，講課不拿筆記或課本，就能系統地講述，到次上課，他不用問學生就能緊接上一課的內容講下去。學生有不明白時，他又能把上一課的內容一 字不漏的複述。據說有次某老師臨時請滕牧師代課，滕牧師進到教室問明學生這是什麼課程、上一課講到哪裡後，在沒有機會備課的情況下，就能接續講下去！學生 都聽得目瞪口呆。

　　 畢業後我在宣道會秀茂坪堂事奉，看見滕牧師為宣道會區聯會全然擺上。當時區聯會沒有幹事，作主席的他凡事親力親為，親自寫年報，親自印報告分發給代表。我 受他的領袖風範感染，自薦為區聯會部份時間幹事，協助聯會事工。我為著北宣願意給滕牧師有一半時間在教會外事奉，感謝神和北宣。

　　 那時滕牧師主持執行委員會，地點多在舊北宣雲華大廈的一間餐廳，開會連午飯只需一小時，非常有效率。後期有較多年輕牧者成為執委成員，他為了提攜後輩，改 在北宣開會，讓大家有充份時間討論和決定議案，而且他很樂意聽取不同意見。

滕牧師待人溫和有禮，連我這個小小傳道打電話給他，他都很有禮貌地回答及指導。每次找他，他不會給我很匆忙的感覺，而是從容地幫助我，讓我覺得安心。

　　 每次滕牧師從外國回來，我到他辦公室，他總是關心各堂會和各堂同工的近況。有一次我告訴他大埔堂準備購買新址擴堂，但堂主任朱蔭康牧師說該堂經濟很緊，可 能要向北宣求助。想不到沒多久北宣就奉獻了一筆頗大的金錢給大埔堂。後來朱牧師告訴我，當時他很驚訝，因為大埔堂執事會根本還未開會和寫信向北宣求助！這 件事令我有很深刻的印象，滕牧師不單關心，更是迅速、實際地幫助堂會和同工。

　　 每年區聯會的同工退修會滕牧師都參加，出席所有聚會；小息時，他就逐一接見同工，輔導傾談，無論是個人靈性或牧養上，同工們都很得幫助。

　　 我以為滕牧師之於香港宣道會，一如宣信博士之於北美宣道會，這是我們香港宣道會的光榮。

滕近輝 BA, BD, LL.D，（1922年1月15日－）出生，他是基督教宣道會牧師，為著名華人教會牧者、'驅動差傳事工'的先鋒；亦是書法家、音樂家及神學教育家。 滕 近輝原籍山東青島，畢業於國立西北大學外文系，隨後遠赴蘇格蘭愛丁堡大學神學院深造，1950年畢業。1956年，滕近輝出任宣道會北角堂傳道，翌年被按 立為牧師，於宣道會北角堂牧養信徒達30年之久。1977年，滕近輝牧師與滕傅忠愛師母以身作則，前往印尼加里曼丹宣教一年。1987年退休後赴美，於紐 約州宣道會總會附設之「乃役學院（Nyack College）」北美華人教會事工道學碩士課程擔任系主任。 滕牧師曾先後出任建道神學院及中國神 學研究院義務院長，並曾擔任宣道會香港區聯會、世界華人福音事工聯絡中心、宣道出版社等十多間機構的董事會主席。現為宣道會香港區聯會榮譽主席及榮譽牧顧 長、宣道會北角堂榮譽顧問牧師、牧職神學院講師、世界華福會國際會榮譽主席等。現時，宣道會北角堂是香港宣道會中最大的教會，每主日崇拜人數超過五千人。 滕近輝牧師於1952年與傅忠愛女士結婚，育有子孫十多名。傅忠愛師母於1993年1月28日離世後，滕牧師於1997年11月8日與張佳音教士結婚(後者當時為牧職神學院院長)，現時夫婦二人仍然活躍於基督教界，培育信徒。 滕近輝牧師著作 譯作： 音/視作品： 於2002年，宣道出版社為其八十大壽誌慶，發行《金輝歲月──滕近輝牧師八秩榮壽紀念》一書，當中把滕牧師多年來的詩作、書法、珍貴照片，以及過往著作中一些精警而充滿屬靈智慧的語句等整理，輯錄成書。 《路標》 （1971，宣道出版社） 《寫給信仰的追尋者》 （1971，宣道出版社） 《我是誰》（1975，道聲出版社） 《不自由的自由》（1978，道聲出版社） 《現代教會路線》（1978，校園團契出版社） 《靈力剖視－聖靈比喻研究》（1979，天道書樓） 《使徒時代教會的十二個危機》 （1982，宣道出版社） 《那從天上來的異象》（1982，宣道出版社） 《生命的事奉》 （1984，宣道出版社） 《八十年代的新挑戰》（1985，美國更新傳道會/基道出版社） 《時代的挑戰》 （1986，宣道出版社） 《詩苑靈程》（1987，宣道出版社） 《愛徒的叮嚀－約翰書信研究》（1989，宣道出版社） 《十二個基本屬靈律則》（1990，美國福音證主協會） 《舊約輔讀‧永恒之約 (卷上)》（1993，與曾立華合著，香港讀經會） 《那一程－滕近輝牧師、師母印尼加里曼丹宣教記》（1994，突破出版社） 《給我羊－滕近輝牧師牧養感言》 （1995，宣道出版社） 《在聖靈中長進》（1997，宣道出版社） 《聖經中的國度真理》 （1998，宣道出版社） 《活出和諧與美好》（1999，宣道出版社） 《偏差與平衡》（2002，宣道出版社） 《良言善導》（2004，與滕張佳音合著，宣道出版社） 《認識撒但的詭計》（2006，宣道出版社） 《認識勝利的人生》（2006，宣道出版社） 《一份禮物－給事奉的人》（中國神學研究院） 《聖經中的十大異象》（宣道出版社） 《靈程高處的經歷》（校園書房出版社） 《飲於能力之源》（陶恕、邦茲、古約翰著，1974，宣道出版社） 《祈禱出來的能力/POWER THROUGH PRAYER》（E.M.BOUNDS著，1972，宣道出版社） 《現代心靈的疾病》（狄樂恩著，宣道出版社） 《歲月燃燒》（1995，福音傳播中心） 與及一系列專題錄音帶、錄影（像）帶製品。

To know thyself

I think some of the problems with the current unhealthy trend of pastoral behaviour is due to people not really knowing themselves. Some of them (and I hope it's a very small minority of them) went into ministry for the wrong reasons. Some of them just don't know themselves. Here are some bad reasons (not in any particular order):

• Job security in a insecure world 
• I don't know what the heck I am to do with my life
• I want to speak on stage every Sunday
• Power lust
• Lust for leadership role
• Selfish ambition
• Flexible working hours
• Desire to be popular and well-liked 

jar of clay

This is another post to blow off some steam. 

I guess what I am disappointed in some pastors nowadays is their uprightness or actually, the lack of it. It just bothers the heck out of me that some of them employ sneaky tactics to cover their butts and win popularity in the church. 

Selfishness. Pride.

These things prevent them from working for their real boss, God, which then cause a lot of problems. 

Where is the servant leadership? 

But I realize that the churchgoers are somewhat responsible for these behaviours to a certain extend. Yet there is no excuse for those pastors. They do have choices. At times their tactics are well planned, orchestrated with complex maneuvers and effort. 

That is scary. 

For me, I don't really ask too much from pastors as long as he or she is upright in front of God and man, honest, has a pure heart and love God. That's it. I don't demand great sermon, just tell me the Words of God. I don't mind if the sermon is like a lecture and lack entertaining elements as long as it is the Words of God and the truth. I don't care if the pastor is a lousy singer, has little talent, does not have a master or PhD, has a ugly spouse or kid or whatever. 

The world does not lack talent or education or skills in the latest trend and technology. The World lacks and desperately needs the message of God. 

Some pastors are marketing themselves according to the trends of time, doing things to win people, to have people look up upon them instead of God. 

We are jar of clay. We are only instruments for God to work in us. The thing is whether we have God inside, working in us. 

不情願地,要待到今天xx團完了之後,才有空跟進交流會[上周探訪及陪媽咪兩次看牙醫,教慕班道等等,今周一已返教會預備xx團及婦女小組x查經,周三及 周四陪爸爸買東西及覆診,今明則預備交流會,相信周四才可以預備講章啊.........真係又要仰望天父的恩典],.........實在需要大家禱告 支援明晚交流會及主日的講道.........

Eugene Peterson on pastoral ministry

Many people think there’s a crisis in ministry today -- a crisis of morality or of morale. How do you see it?

My sense is that many people take on the role of pastor without ever learning it from the inside out. As I said, I do think for those who are called to it the pastoral life is really a good life. Not an easy life, but one full of resonances with everything else that’s going on in creation and in history.

I get the sense these days that many of my colleagues have external rewards in view. How do I become a good leader? How do I get published? How do I do this? How do I do that? Those are questions that are beside the point.

We’re not a market-driven church, and the ministry is not a market-driven vocation. We’re not selling anything, and we’re not providing goods and services. If a pastor is not discerning and discriminating about the claims of his or her vocation and about the claims of a congregation, then the demands or the desires of the congregation can dominate what he or she is doing -- and that creates the conditions for nonpastoral work.

And then you can lose your morals and your morale, because you’re not working at anything that has any biblical order to it. One’s experience lacks, if I could use a fancy word, any trinitarian inclusiveness or integration.

If you look at the numbers and money, American churches in some ways are the most successful churches ever. And yet, I think it could be argued, we’re at probably one of the low points because of the silliness and triviality that characterize so much of church life these days. This is one of the reasons I think pastoral work is best handled in a fairly small setting.

http://www.religion-online.org/showarticle.asp?title=2274