...going

Being the pastor's kid at the church that I have been going to for 3 years been somewhat rough. I appreciate all the people who were nice, took care of me and have became my brothers and sisters but at the same time, I can not deny that there is a barrier between us. 

I can be in every ministry yet I still wouldn't be "in". Of course, the point of serving is not to be "in" but the thing (my point) is that there is just this barrier. I will never be them. People wear their colored eye glasses when viewing who I am, and thus I get a lot of bullshit from people. I wish that they can understand the spot they are putting me in. I wish that they could just simply see me as another brother, a young man who has a heart for God and nothing more. I am just like them, but I am not because I am not treated that way. 

I wish more a more normal church life. More normal fellowship. I question myself sometimes for being so into it, into serving and caring and etc...on things that are not mine. 

I will miss the people and I am not sure if they would miss me as much. 

I guess being a pastor's kid you do have to make some sacrifice but in some way, I am not sure if it is fair. Well, it's not, but then what is? I actually learned a lot from my dad the past few years in Hong Kong. I used to complain about him not doing everything possible with making things better at church, but after 3 years, I realize how incredibly DIFFICULT it is to simply oversee the church. There are a lot of problems at church and I actually don't know how he can handle it. I probably would just go crazy and quit or something. And it take a toll on him. I can totally see it. I think everybody can see that.  

The other thing is appreciation. I think we, the pastor's family is just not appreciated. To me, it's cruel how my dad is being being blamed for things that are out of his control as he makes sacrifice for the church's well-being. Very few people know that he actually shield a lot of issues and arrows from people for harmony's sake. Some people are starting fires all over the place with their tameless tongues and as the head pastor, he does the best he can as a very limited band-aid. There is a lot of immaturity that the head pastor has to deal with. People just don't understand that he has to deal with all these complicated people problems (caused by the people) and EFC stuff on top of leading the church (if it listens). 

The immaturity is somewhat sickening. It's like watching kids really. Pao is right about scums, we are scums. We do have good people but immaturity is a big problem because there is a age gap, we lack middle-age people, mature people with tested experience in faith and life. That's a problem. That's a huge problem so the less mature and the immature are in leadership role and it is just not working and there need to be a lot of patient, training (if they are humble enough) and learning. It's a little bit of babysitting and the worst thing I am seeing is that these young people, even with a heart of gold, are easily manipulated by others. That's the biggest weakness of young people. 

It would be better if they have better groundwork, but the foundation doesn't come instantly, it takes years of preparation.  There is no shortcut.